WHEN CRITICISM BECOMES CONDEMNATION

Though criticism and condemnation looks alike, they aren’t the same. Criticism is an act of pointing out the wrongs in a person, a thing or a situation while condemnation is an aspect of judgment that blames or punishes offenders for the wrongs they did. However, most professional critiques, going by their dispositions, are professional condemners. There is nothing professional about criticism until “constructive” is added to it, this is an oxymoron to create a balance which means before someone decide to criticize a thing, he should have appreciated the good side twice as much.

Most critiques only concentrate on picking out the wrongs without saying anything about the good sides. Though it is human to complain when things go wrong and keep quiet when things are rightly done, such approach to life is synonymous with the fools. It is evident why most critiques were never given the glory for changing others and making things better. Critique are doing a great job, without them, we will have a lot of substandard outcomes but they must understand they are most unlikely to improve outcomes by just pointing out faults.

Sometime in year 2011, I went for an audition where the judge just shut me up, he gave me no chance to finish a verse because he didn’t like my rap style, I was badly criticized and I left feeling discouraged from attending subsequent auditions. ELdee, a popular Nigerian Hip-Hop artiste was the judge and as much as I loved his songs before the audition, everything changed afterwards. Anytime I remember him, I always thought of him as an antagonist and his songs that used to be sonorous in my ears now sounded melancholic. I also told everyone that cared to know that I didn’t like him. Every critique must know this: they are most unlikely to make people agree to their ideas of rightness regardless of how right they are by telling people they are wrong.

They would only have succeeded in letting people see them as antagonists.

Talking about being a critique, I was one. I grew up a perfectionist and criticized almost everything and everyone that comes my way including myself. I created a lot of enemies for myself; I had not more than one friend, a formal classmate until I was 22 and never really had a friend after spending three years in Lagos, one of the biggest cities in Nigeria.

I always said “I don’t care if people hate me, I am being realistic and I won’t change” this statement is synonymous with most critiques but that’s unwise. I thought I was comfortable not having friends for being a realist but deep within me was a little baby yearning for love and attention from people which my critical dispositions took away from me.

For instance, every lady that was close to me before now has no good record of me, I criticize them a lot. I treated them most heartlessly, not because I was heartless or wicked but not seeing with their own eyes and criticizing them was equivalent to it.

I recently met Immanuella and apologized to her for the way I treated her. Before we met in the church, Immanuella often come to church and leave without talking with anyone. When I arrived, she couldn’t stop herself from liking me, but I crippled the likeness with criticism before it developed into anything. How did I do that?

It all started on a Sunday after I had answered correctly, a difficult question the Pastor threw at us and no one else could answer. We started conversation and didn’t end it until more than two hours after everyone had left the church, we stood at the roadside and talked like young lovers, making descriptions and smiling like old couples relating their old love days.

She told me about her modeling career and I loved it but telling me the cores of modeling was her worst mistake, I was a prude and was really too crude to understand as that was the first time of me standing with a lady on the street and for that long. I couldn’t forgive myself and didn’t spare her either, so I sent a text message criticizing her for making me stay with her for that long and capped it all by accusing her of being ungodly. Was that bad? But only felt I was being realistic.

I have criticized a lady by writing a letter to her and she cried herself out, she took the lessons but was never going to be my friend or thank me for changing her.

Criticizing without first appreciating the good sides is antisocial and I was a testimony to that.

I criticized Immanuella for everything she did that my seldom compliment of her beauty was not taken serious because even in the midst of it were hidden criticisms.

I once condemned her for wearing black underwear; I condemned her for using her phone in the church even though I was also using my phone to pass the message. I pushed her to the wall and she decided to fight back, she accused me of acting a god, she advised me to face my own interpersonal relationship issues before trying to correct her.

That’s the result every critique like me is likely to get.

Prior to her fighting back, Immanuella was a very loyal lady, she respected me more than every other guy she had ever met, she control guys but she couldn’t do the same with me. She never talked back when I talked; it was a relationship between a god and the worshiper. She was that loyal and patient but I brought out the beast in her with criticism.

She at a point never loved to see me and would slip away to avoid talking with me because I was always accusing her of one thing or the other, I was the worst conversationist ever existed. I also criticized myself twice as much as I do to others. The irony is, as much as I couldn’t get other to be better with my criticism, I couldn’t better myself too so what is the need?

Of what good is such criticism?

Though critiques criticize themselves as much as they criticize others, they can’t stand criticism from others.

I know one literary critique who, if he should criticize your work; you might consider another career outside writing. He uses derogatory words such as: trash, eyesore, disgrace to literary world and the likes to describe people’s intellectual works. By so doing, he had crippled a lot of peoples’ confidence. He also had successfully amassed enemies for himself but all efforts to get him to change his approach were successfully proven abortive as he would always claim has being himself and doesn’t care if people hate him for saying the truth thus one day I devised a strategy after he had done the same to my poem.

I criticized his poem as worst as he does to others; using his exact words, he felt really bad and denied being the original writer.

If he hate or disrespect me for doing so then he should think of how many haters he would have amassed for himself by doing the same to others. I guess this is why most critiques don’t engage much doing things they criticize.

The greatest art of communication is being able to see in another persons’ perspectives and sympathize with them but most critiques don’t know this salient truth, they only say how they feel about things thinking it will make things better without seeing from the other persons’ end.

Any fool can criticize being very sure of how wrong people are and asserting them but it takes a Wiseman to make the other person do the right things without really hurting their feelings.

Most critiques criticize based on their feelings of disappointment of not seeing their expected perfection.

All human being have the tendency to criticize as it is one of the two sides of judgement; one of the attributes that make mankind image of God but it is most synonymous with those whose primary temperament is melancholy, it make them expect perfection and worse if seconded by choleric which make them voice out their disappointments using caustic words.

Every critic should understand perfection is a grand illusion and it is unattainable by anyone,

They should understand anything done and put out by people is attached to their pride regardless of how wrong and poor they are, they believe they are good so to make them do better without hurting their pride and cause them to run back into their shells or fight back, one must be able to see and appreciate the good side they are seeing twice as much before pointing out the wrongs.  According to Dale Carnegie, in his book ‘How to win friends and influence people’, he stated,   “Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.” Nothing other than this is the truth but most critique doesn’t even know how to encourage people yet they claim to want people to get better. What an irony.

If at all criticism becomes a necessity, these are my humble suggestions on how they ought to be done.

Ø  Don’t criticize in order to be noticed.

Ø  Don’t criticize if you can’t see anything good in a thing because there is always a good side in everything no matter how bad you think they are.

Ø  Don’t criticize with anger.

Ø  Don’t criticize with the intention of making someone feel bad.

Ø  Don’t criticize with the intention to make the other person’s work lesser than yours.

Ø  Don’t criticize as a form of revenge.

Ø  Don’t criticize if you don’t have the solutions to the problems.

Ø  Don’t criticize based on sentiment; there are some works/things you might not like but it doesn’t mean they are not good.

Ø  Criticize out of love, appreciate twice as much, choosing your words very carefully and only suggest solutions instead mandating people to do what you feel are right.

Remember, people like to be in control of what they own so give them the chance and changing their views will be easy.

This essay is written by Eneji Stephen Toluwalashe, popularly known as Soul’e Rhymez,

He is a Poet, a Public Speaker, and a member of Great_Minds_Initiatives_Interational.

He is based in Lagos, Nigeria.

Twitter: @Soulerhymez

Facebook: Soul’e Rhymez

This essay is written for Great_Minds_Initiatives_Interational to support their True Education Campaign. He believes constructive criticism and encouragement makes it easier for people to acquire true education, get better and become relevant in the society.

Great Minds Initiative is a group of great people who have made their minds up and come together to make the world a better place for everyone. To be a part of this initiative, support/sponsor, contact Tanimola on: +2348163800077 (also available on WhatsApp.)