Criticism
is an art, which always involves certain acts too; this has been confused for
condemnation. Though criticism and condemnation looks alike, they aren’t the
same. Criticism is an act of pointing out the wrongs in a person, a thing or a
situation while condemnation is an aspect of judgment that blames or punishes
offenders for the wrongs they did.
However,
most professional critiques, going by their dispositions, are professional
condemners. There is nothing professional about criticism until “constructive” is
added to it, this is an oxymoron to create a balance which means before someone
decides to criticize a thing, he should have appreciated the good side twice as
much.
Most critiques only
concentrate on picking out the wrongs without saying anything about the good
sides and this shows that they are illiterate in the art of criticism. Though
it is human to complain when things go wrong and keep quiet when things are
rightly done, such approach to life is synonymous with the fools.
It is evident why
most critiques were never given the glory for changing others and making things
better. Critiques are doing a great job, without them, we will have a lot of
substandard outcomes, but they must understand they are most unlikely to
improve outcomes by just pointing out faults.
Sometime
in year 2011, I went for an audition where the judge just shut me up, he gave
me no chance to finish a verse because he didn’t like my rap style, I was badly
criticized and I left feeling discouraged from attending subsequent auditions. ELdee, a popular Nigerian Hip-Hop
artiste was the judge and as much as I loved his songs before the audition,
everything changed afterwards.
Anytime
I remember him, I always thought of him as an antagonist and his songs that
used to be sonorous in my ears now sounded melancholic. I also told everyone
that cared to know that I didn’t like him. Every critique must know this: you
are most unlikely to make people agree to your ideas of rightness regardless of
how right you are by telling people they are wrong.
They
would only have succeeded in letting people see them as antagonists.
Talking
about being a critique, I was one. I grew up a perfectionist and criticized
almost everything and everyone that comes my way including myself. I created a
lot of enemies for myself; I had not more than one friend, a formal classmate
until I was 22 and never really had a friend after spending three years in
Lagos, one of the biggest cities in Nigeria.
I
always said “I don’t care if people hate
me, I am being realistic and I won’t change” this statement is synonymous
with most critiques, but that’s unwise. I thought I was comfortable not having
friends for being a realist, but deep within me was a little baby yearning for
love and attention from people which my critical dispositions took away from
me.
For
instance, every lady that was close to me before now has no good record of me,
I criticize them a lot. I treated them most heartlessly, not because I was
heartless or wicked but not seeing with their own eyes and criticizing them was
equivalent to it.
I
met Immanuella and apologized to her for the way I treated her. Before we met
in the church, she often comes to church and leaves without talking with
anyone. When I arrived, she couldn’t stop herself from liking me, but I
crippled the likeness with criticism before it developed into anything. How did
I do that?
It
all started on a Sunday after I had answered correctly, a difficult question
the Pastor threw at us and no one else could answer. We started conversation
and didn’t end it until more than two hours after everyone had left the church,
we stood at the roadside and talked like young lovers, making descriptions and
smiling like old couples relating their old love days.
She
told me about her modeling career and I loved it but telling me the cores of
modeling was her worst mistake, I was a prude and was really too crude to
understand as that was the first time of me standing with a lady on the street
and for that long.
I
couldn’t forgive myself and didn’t spare her either, so I sent a text message
criticizing her for making me stay with her for that long and capped it all by
accusing her of being ungodly. Was that bad? But only felt I was being
realistic.
I
have criticized a lady by writing a letter to her and she cried herself out,
she took the lessons but was never going to be my friend or thank me for
changing her.
Criticizing
without first appreciating the good sides is antisocial and I was a testimony
to that. I criticized Immanuella for everything she did that my seldom
compliment of her beauty was not taken serious, because even in the midst of it
were hidden criticisms.
I
once condemned her for wearing black underwear; I condemned her for using her
phone in the church even though I was also using my phone to pass the message.
I pushed her to the wall and she decided to fight back, she accused me of
acting a god, she advised me to face my own interpersonal relationship issues
before trying to correct her.
That’s
the result every critique like me is likely to get.
Prior
to her fighting back, Immanuella was a very loyal lady, she respected me more
than every other guy she had ever met, she control guys, but she couldn’t do
the same with me. She never talked back when I talked; it was a relationship
between a god and the worshiper. She was that loyal and patient, but I brought
out the beast in her with criticism.
She
at a point never loved to see me and would slip away to avoid talking with me
because I was always accusing her of one thing or the other, I was the worst
conversationist ever existed. I also criticized myself twice as much as I do to
others. The irony is, as much as I couldn’t get other to be better with my
criticism, I couldn’t better myself too so what is the need?
Of
what good is such criticism?
Though
critiques criticize themselves as much as they criticize others, they can’t
stand criticism from others.
I
know one literary critique who, if he should criticize your work; you might
consider another career outside writing. He uses derogatory words such as:
trash, eyesore, disgrace to literary world and the likes to describe people’s
intellectual works.
By
so doing, he had crippled a lot of peoples’ confidence. He also had
successfully amassed enemies for himself, but all efforts to get him to change
his approach were successfully proven abortive as he would always claim has
being himself and doesn’t care if people hate him for saying the truth thus one
day I devised a strategy after he had done the same to my poem.
I
criticized his poem as worst as he does to others; using his exact words, he
felt really bad and denied being the original writer.
If
he hate or disrespect me for doing so then he should think of how many haters
he would have amassed for himself by doing the same to others. I guess this is
why most critiques don’t engage much doing things they criticize.
The
greatest art of communication is the art of seeing in other persons’
perspectives and sympathize with them.
but most critiques don’t know this salient truth, they only say how they
feel about things thinking it will make things better without seeing from the
other persons’ end.
Any
fool can criticize being very sure of how wrong people are and asserting them,
but it takes a Wiseman to make the other person do the right things without
really hurting their feelings.
Most
critiques criticize based on their feelings of disappointment of not seeing
their expected perfection.
All
human being have the tendency to criticize as it is one of the two sides of
judgment; one of the attributes that make mankind image of God, but it is most
synonymous with those whose primary temperament is melancholy, it make them
expect perfection and worse if seconded by choleric which make them voice out
their disappointments using caustic words.
Every
critic should understand perfection is a grand illusion and it is unattainable
by anyone, they should understand anything done and put out by people is
attached to their pride regardless of how wrong and poor they are, they believe
they are good so to make them do better without hurting their pride and cause
them to run back into their shells or fight back, one must be able to see and
appreciate the good side they are seeing twice as much before pointing out the wrongs.
According
to Dale Carnegie, in his book ‘How
to win friends and influence people’, he stated, “Abilities wither under criticism; they
blossom under encouragement.” Nothing other than this is the truth, but
most critique doesn’t even know how to encourage people yet they claim to want
people to get better. What an irony.
If
at all criticism becomes a necessity, these are my humble suggestions on how
they ought to be done.
Ø Don’t criticize in order to be
noticed.
Ø Don’t criticize if you can’t see
anything good in a thing, because there is always a good side in everything no
matter how bad you think they are.
Ø
Don’t
criticize with anger.
Ø
Don’t
criticize with the intention of making someone feel bad.
Ø
Don’t
criticize with the intention to make the other person’s work lesser than yours.
Ø
Don’t
criticize as a form of revenge.
Ø
Don’t
criticize if you don’t have the solutions to the problems.
Ø
Don’t
criticize based on sentiment; there are some works/things you might not like,
but it doesn’t mean they are not good.
Ø
Criticize
out of love, appreciate twice as much, choosing your words very carefully and
only suggest solutions instead mandating people to do what you feel are right.
Remember, people like
to be in control of what they own so give them the chance and changing their
views will be easy.
This
essay is written by Eneji Stephen
Toluwalashe, popularly known as Soul’e
Rhymez,
He
is a Poet, a Public Speaker, and a member of Great_Minds_Initiatives_Interational.
He
is based in Lagos, Nigeria.
Twitter: @Soulerhymez
Facebook: Soul’e Rhymez
This
essay is written for Great_Minds_Initiatives_International
to support their True Education Campaign and also delivered as a lecture on SRAF GROUP on the 1st of February 2017.
Soul’e Rhymez believes constructive
criticism and encouragement makes it easier for people to acquire true
education, get better and become relevant in the society.
Great Minds Initiative
International is a group of
great people who have made their minds up and come together to make the world a
better place for everyone.
To
be a part of this initiative, join SRAF
or invite Soul’e Rhymez for a
similar lecture, support/sponsor, contact Tanimola
on: +2348163800077 (also available on WhatsApp)
To read more of
this, please like our page: www.facebook.com/soulerhymezandfriends/ or log on to soulerhymez.blogspot.com.
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